Friday, 14 March 2014

about the meanings of pirate clothes

The lookout in the crow's nest up on the mast of a pirate ship called out that she'd spied a warship on the horizon, heading that way. 

Captain said, "Bring me my red shirt ! (That way, if wounded it wouldn't show and the crew wouldn't be discouraged. (Nor would marinara sauce show, by the way.) )

After a bit, the lookout called out that there were now 12 warships on the horizon.

Said the captain, " Look sprightly and bring me brown pants !"

Saturday, 22 February 2014

Lupin the Third - The Castle of Cagliostro

Probably the best Lupin the 3rd's movie ever, the Castle of Cagliostro offers a lot of action in the smallest and unknown state of Cagliostro, "the smallest state in the world". I don't know where this state is, but it's probably somewhere around Italy, if we look at the huge spaghetti with meatballs tray that Lupin and Jigen get in a tavern.

After a quick conversation with the waitress about rings, princesses and so on, they start with an original spaghetti fight with fork and spoon.

There are no written rules for spaghetti fight, and no instructions left from Our Saucy Lord. They fight it with a fork and a spoon, so that would surely be different from an hypothetical Italian version of the game, which would be played only with a fork.

But at the end the winner in both cases would be Jigen: thanks to a quick rotation of his tools , he creates a huge spaghetti ball, making it bouncing from the tray to his dish. Well played, Jigen, the holy match is yours.

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Piratish way to share

A young man saw an elderly pirate couple at a restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra cup. Being somewhat stereotypical pirates, one had a peg leg and the other had an eye patch.

As he watched, Pirate A carefully divided the fish filet in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them.

Then Pirate A poured half of the beer into the extra cup and set that in front of Pirate B. Pirate A then began to eat, while Pirate B sat and watched. 

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase a second meal so that they would not have to split theirs. But Pirate A said, "Oh no. We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been, and will always be, shared fifty-fifty.

The young man then asked if Pirate B was going to eat. The response? 
"Not yet. It's A's turn with the teeth."

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Death talking between two old pirates

Two old pirates were sitting at the local pub drinking, as they always have a “few” beers. This day, however they were feeling kind of affectionately maudlin.

"So, Alvilda, my buddy.. After I die would you pour a couple of beers over my grave? If you go first, I'll do the same for you."

Alvilda said, "Why certainly! We can do even more beers than that! But so as not to waste 'em, the only thing I’d ask is we could run ‘em through our bladders first?"

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Up and under the table

Two pirate couples were playing poker one evening. Red beard accidentally dropped some cards on the floor, and when he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Barnacle Bill's wife, Sallyforth, wasn't wearing any underwear.

Somewhat shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and since he was a shy pirated, emerged red-faced.

Later, Red Beard went to the galley to get some refreshments. Sallyforth followed and asked, flirtationsly: 'You got up awfully quickly after you dropped the cards. Why’d you bump your head? Was there something you saw that surprised you?'

Encouraged by her boldness, Red Beard admitted that, indeed, he had.

Sallyforth then said, "Well, if you want some, it’ll cost you 500 pieces of eight.'

Red Beard admitted that he was interested, and the price sounded O.K. Sallyforth told him that her husband, Barnacle Bill, worked late Fridays, and that he, John, should show up at her house around 2 p.m.

On Friday, after paying Sallyforth the sum of 500 pieces of eight, Red Beard and Sallyforth retired to the bedroom and 'closed their transaction.' Afterwards, Red Beard quickly dressed and left.

Barnacle Bill came home from work, on schedule, at 6 p.m., and asked his wife out of the blue: 'By the way, did Red Beard come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sallyforth answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'

'And did he give you 500 pieces of eight?'

Mustering her best poker face, Sallyforth replied, 'Well, as a matter of fact he did. How did you know?'

Barnacle Bill grinned: "Good. Red Beard came by the office this morning and asked me for a short term loan of 500 pieces of eight. He said he'd be able to drop by this afternoon on his way home and give it to you.

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

cleaning plates with cold water

A new pirate crew member had just spent his first night aboard ship. Since the ship was freshly provisioned, the cook served eggs and bacon for breakfast.

The new crew member was unusually fastidious for a pirate and noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he questioned the cook about whether the plate was clean.

Th cook replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get 'em, so go on an' finish yer grub."

That afternoon, while eating lunch, the new mate noticed specks around the edges of his plate and what looked like dried egg yolk. So, he asked again, "Are ye sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up, the cook growled, "Aarrhh! I told ye afore, them dishes are as clean as cold water can get 'em. Now, don' ask agin !

Later that afternoon, the new mate ran afoul of the cook's dog. "Cook ! Call off yer cur !

Without diverting his attention from the soccer game he was watching on tv, the cook growled, "Coldwater, come here and quit yer bitchin'."

Tuesday, 7 January 2014


 For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write Spaghetti on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day,about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."